Turning the Page; My Book of Inadequacies​

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I recently told a friend, I was afraid of what people might think of me if they knew who I really was deep down inside.  She looked at me quizzically.  Yet, I realized this was the truth I had created for myself, creatively held within the pages of my “book of inadequacies.”

Whether we own up to the idea or not, I think we all are in possession of a book of inadequacies.  Whether we bury them deep within our conscious, or obstinately face them in our daily lives, they impact our every thought.  Which in turn impacts how we chose to live our lives, how we create our stories and who we invite on our journey.

Shame and fear, I have found, take turns driving and riding shotgun on my own personal journey. Recently, I asked myself why this had become true and what if anything, I could do about it.  As I pieced together the different experiences I had as a child and a young adult, via as honest of a lens as I could muster, I began to see more clearly the root of these feelings.

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What Grows in Your Life-Garden?

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Negative experiences happen, but we do not have to let them move in and hold as much of our life space hostage, as they tend to often times do.

We experience a myriad of both positive and unpleasant moments each and every day of our lives.  Due to the way our minds work, we are naturally inclined to squirrel away, cling to, continuously drudge up and often carry around some of the unpleasant moments in a somewhat protective space, as if our lives depended on their existence.  As if these unpleasant moments make up so much of who we are, we cannot bear to part with them. Since we scientifically know this inclination to be true about the human race, and knowledge is power, how do we work to overcome these natural tendencies to live in a negative space?

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Authenticity ~ A Collection of Choices

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Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day.  It’s about the choice to show up and be real.  The choice to be honest.  The choice to let your true selves be seen. ~ B. Brown – The Gifts of Imperfection

The idea of being authentic was first introduced to me in graduate school.  The first few times I heard the word, it was not honestly all that impactful, but it did peak my curiosity. What does it really mean to “be authentic?”  In truth, I think it is more difficult than standing physically naked in front of a room of people, strangers or not, and letting them pick apart your physical form in all of its perfect or imperfect ways.  Why?

Because being authentic is about being emotionally naked.

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Grow Your Wings on the way Down

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Brene Brown – Boundaries, Empathy, and Compassion

This is by far the best definition I have ever heard of what boundaries are, why you want them, and how you would use them successfully.

Believing that people are doing the best they can, makes our lives better, as the first life we change is our own.

 

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Call To Arms – Veteran Gets Real About PTSD

PTSD is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation(s).  I would be more worried if I didn’t have it!  Then, I would just be a sociopath. 

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Lessons Learned ~ About Dissociation and Good Therapy

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Why would my brain want to dig up something so tragic and force me to relive it, as though it were happening again in the present moment?  I put a lot of energy and effort into shoving the memory as far down as I could.  If my mind were a big house, with many rooms and hallways, I wandered down to the deepest depths of the basement.  I found the darkest hallway, with the darkest corner to bag the memory up and leave it in.  I wanted to keep it from ever surfacing and hurting me again.  Out of sight, out of mind, right?  So what was the purpose of digging it up and reliving it?  Why would anyone purposefully do that?

Well after much thought, this is my opinion.  We humans are natural problem solvers, we do it from the day we are born.  We think, therefore we are human.  

Our brain has a natural tendency to solve and resolve whatever is happening in our lives. If it is particularly difficult, we will chew on it over and over in an attempt to grind it up small enough, so we can “swallow it and move on.”  Sometimes we put an immense amount of effort into this process, whether we want to or not.  You know how it goes.  Why can’t I stop thinking about this!  Ughh….!!!

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